Derailed Abandonment

Last Tuesday I was feeling down and upset, which I am sure had nothing to do with all the vodka I drank the night before, and I reasoned with myself. I could either stay in bed feeling sorry for myself, due to my emotional hang over or I could go out shooting. Making the grown up choice, I went with shooting because I know it almost always makes me feel better to get out and get lost behind my lens. 

I made my way to the bus stop to take bus 8, about forty minuets outside of Lviv to a small town that had old abandoned railroad cars at the train station. I was feeling a little more adventurous that day, then perhaps I normally am. I think it was the combination of being really mad, lack of sleep, needing to get out some pent up energy and never getting in trouble for taking photos, except for getting yelled at once or twice and I just decided to for it. I really did not care if I got in trouble with anyone.

Once I got there I had the choice of which of the three trains to tackle first. Two were in a gated train park if you will, so I went with the one not inclosed. I walked along taking pictures of the outside, noticing that most of the door handles were tied with rusted metal wire. I walked down a few cars looking for a door that it looked like I could get in. The stairs were not lowered, so I had to hold on to the ice cold hand rails on either side of the door while leaning back a bit due to the stair position and try to get the metal wire off. It did not work so well at all. I snapped off some of the metal, but not the part that would let me open the door. I jumped down, thinking of what I had in my bag that I could use to cut it, and I came up with nothing, so I gave up and kept walking, swearing inside my head at my bad day and bad luck. Now I must interject here, that I know that this is most likely classified as private property and by breaking off the metal thing and trying to get in that way is clearly “breaking and entering”. I normally just go into places that aren’t locked, or don’t have doors, so I can play the “Oh I didn’t know that I’m not suppose to be here” game if I was ever to get caught. I would also like to that I do not condone anyone doing what I am doing. 

I kept walking along the train cars and saw one with smoke coming out the top and I was pretty sure at this point that someone was living in it. There were wood chips all around, like someone had been chopping wood. This door also had no metal on the handle so I started knocking on it. No one answered, so I just decided to keep walking. Clearly this person did not want to be bothered. 

I walked passed some more train cars, and they all looked the same after a while so when I got to the end of the train I turned around and walked back on the other side. It looked again mostly the same, except for when I got to smoking train again I saw that there was tons of wood stacked against two of the windows. I thought to myself “What kind of Into the Wild, Christopher McCandless shit is going on here?” I stood there debating on ducking under the train and going back to the other side and really banning on the door until I was let in. Clearly this was not just some drunk hobo, who happened to stumble upon the train for shelter for the night. Someone was genuinely living there, with their stock pile of wood. Sanity kicked back in and told me to just keep on walking. This could be a serial killer for all I knew, ok so maybe that wasn’t the most sane assumption, but better safe then dead. There were a lot, and I mean a lot of empty vodka bottles as I walked, I did not think they were from my train friend, as in Ukraine its kind of habit to just throw things where ever. I kept my eyes on the ground so I wouldn’t step on too much glass and all of a sudden I saw human fecal matter. Well this person has my hole in the ground beat. I am assuming that it was the train friend, because it was a few cars down from his own and the area was used more then three times. I also have seen a lot of animal poop in my life and I know for a fact, that is not what it was. I’m just happy that it was cold out so it didn’t smell, even though who doesn’t enjoy the nice smell of sun roasted poo? 

I walked until I reached the end of the train and the gate to the park for the other two trains. It was open so I walked right inside and went to the train on the right. The first third of it looked like it could be used if needed, but wasn’t. The second third looked more run down and there were bars on the window. It kind of freaked me out like it was a car from Soviet times to take prisoners to Siberia or something. I hate the thought of prisons, especially train ones. Bad karma that I just do not want to be apart of so I walked briskly past.

       The last third of the train was completely in ruin. The cars had been gutted and all of the doors were open. I had mixed feelings about this. I wished that there had been a little bit more inside, but at the same time I was happy to have access. The stairs were a tad easier to get up on, but I still had to pull myself up using the hand rails and then I kind of ended up kneeling on the floor of the train and getting up that way. Its hard to explain, but I soon realized how stupid I had been in wearing a short dress with leggings to this expedition, that got covered with rust. Looking back it may not have been such a bad idea as my jeans are getting a little, ahem tight, and I could have very easily ripped a hole in them moving the wrong way. After getting up I carefully walked through every car, as it soon became apparent that the floor, was not too sound and almost fell through a few times. I know all the caring adults in my life right now are reading this and cringing, but it’s kind of like going out onto a pond in winter and not knowing if its fully frozen or not. I know you have all done that. So there.

I got off my run down train and walked along number three and there again wasn’t much to see. All the doors were closed on the train, the sun was starting to set and it was turning cold so I thought it might be best to get heading back to Lviv, even with my melancholy still intact. Everything can’t be perfect the whole time I am living in Europe. I know with the amazing days I will have some that aren’t so blissful, but I also know as time fades my memories into a blur I will always have my photos to jog my mind and I will extract what this one moment in time meant. Perhaps this one day or moment at the train grave yard will have some profound affect on my life that I have yet to realize. All I know is that I am living a life that leaves me flabbergasted and at a loss for words a lot of the times.